Ruth shared the story of her process where participants focus on no blame and honouring each other.
Participants in conflict focus on two questions in a one-on-one conversation with facilitator.
1. What do I value about you?
2. How have I contributed / let you down?
One ground rule - No blame
Facilitator commits to making the space safe and seeks agreement to intervene if this is not happening.
When one person is vulnerable the hardest person softens.
Discussing the story is not important in the meeting with each other because it can be retraumatising but it has been explored with the facilitator in the one-on-one meeting.
After the two in conflict share their answers to Q1 & 2 then Q3, What do we each need to move through this? Agree a memorandum of understanding.
Ruth’s story begins with practising as a lawyer in South Africa for 10 years. Ruth was an activist during the apartheid years and was deeply influenced by the wisdom and dignity of Nelson Mandela and the impact of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission on a country in major transition.
Ruth (unexpectedly) found herself Australia in her early 30’s. She re-qualified as a lawyer before transitioning into human resource management for law and accounting firms in Melbourne and Sydney. During this time, Ruth also qualified and practised as a psychotherapist. Her journey continued when she moved to Byron Bay in 2008 and continued her HR career as both an employee and as a consultant.
During her time at Southern Cross University, Ruth was approached to conduct her first mediation between two indigenous staff. Without formal mediation training at that stage, Ruth designed a model which incorporates her therapeutic skills and which she soon called ‘Restorative Mediation’. She subsequently gained mediation accreditation and has since conducted over 600 restorative mediations between staff in workplaces.
Ruth’s Restorative Mediation model is a hybrid blend of restorative practice and mediation. It occurs over 2 consecutive days with the individual sessions on Day 1 followed immediately by a structured combined session on Day 2. The process has one ground rule – ‘No Blame’. The model is designed to shift acute conflict impasses and support both participants to transition from acrimony to repair through critical self-reflection and mutual self-accountability.